what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
