Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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