Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
