The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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