Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
