i don't plan on having that self control this summer
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
