and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
