Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
