my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
