she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
