i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
