I molested 6 butterflies tonight
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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