Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
