you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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