he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
