Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
