I just googled if crying burns calories
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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