Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
