Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
