I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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