4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
