Nicole vs. Life
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
