I wish you could order shots online.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
