it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
