what if every blade of grass was a penis?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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