Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
