i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
