The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
