I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
