my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
