You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
