ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
