I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he puts the penis in happiness.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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