I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
