I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
