You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
