You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
