real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
