Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
