How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
