In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
