your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize