you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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