I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
