You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
