She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
