You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
