I feel like abortions should bother me more
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
