I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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