remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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