what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
