Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
