I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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