his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
