just survived the first fart of the relationship.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
