its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
