hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
