got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Drake has all the answers
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
