My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
