When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
