Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
