His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
