Already got asked if we're dating
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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