we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
