and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
