so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
