Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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