I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
