Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
