even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
