I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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