I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
