Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
