ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
