you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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