dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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