So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
