So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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