I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
