Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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