2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
