I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
