I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
