well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can't turn off my feet"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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